thoughts and expressions

From reflecting upon the first post introspecting upon the first essay of 101 essays and applying those findings on the second post, I’ve realized that I completely omitted the aspect of quotes.

This is a rather pertinent aspect since not including quotes makes it difficult to connect back from my thoughts to the source text.

EQ: Emotional Quotient (or Emotional Intelligence)

people believe the most intelligent thing to do is not have emotions at all

this really stuck out to me because up til 23 years of age, I was apathetic and lived a very matter-of-fact way of living. However, I was soon able to realize that a disconnected way of living doesn’t allow me to experience the zest for life and doesn’t allow me to have the greatest of emotions nor responses to the people and events around me. Instead it just renders me to be a robot. Wake up, work, sleep, repeat.

This was my defense mechanism enabling me to not be hurt by occurrences – being impartial allowed me to stay unbiased.

This way of living enabled me to be an effective ear for my friends. I was the unbiased source of truth, albeit my opinions, when problems arose. Not including any favoritism for any party and not blending in my own emotions into the situation, I believed I was an effective, maybe not the best, source for feedback.

However, I soon realized I was going about life wrongly, or maybe I had gone too far. Detaching myself from the world and my own opinions resulted in myself unable to judge properly or learn from the experiences around me

The third essay 10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Do Not Do culminates self-realizations and various lessons from texts and discourses on how to respond to the world and be able to live life.

Other than stoicism, I’m truly ignorant to schools of philosophy. However, stoicism does seem to be the reigning ideology for how to handle what life throws at you and what to expect out of life. Emotionally intelligent (EI) people may seem to have learned, whether it be through life or training, that a stoic way of life is the way to go. EI people don’t assume that the way they think and feel about a situation is the way it is in reality, nor how it will turn out in the end and their emotional base points are not external. Extending on our ignorance on how things will be in the end, EI people don’t assume to know what will make them happy. This is related to the point of “you believe that creating your best life is a matter of deciding what you want and then going after it, but in reality, you are psychologically incapable of being able to predict what will make you happy” in the the first essay.

My experience with stoicism is as new as a newborn baby. It has only been recent that I’ve started to learn the ideology. However the first two points correlate heavily to stoicism. The stoic way of life teaches us that we are responsible for how we respond or react to situations. However, there is a difference in those two actions.

Responding to situations consists of letting the event happen, pausing, acknowledging, and replying to the situation.

Reacting to situations simply means to go with the gut-feeling at the moment of the event occurring.

Whether a person responds or reacts, it is completely up to them. We are responsible for our actions, no one else is. It’s important to understand that “they are the ultimate cause of what they experience”. Our perceptions of situations is always up to us. However, the emotional response to those situations are always temporary, impermanent. How the situation turns out at the end, we simply don’t know nor will we ever be able to completely, accurately predict. Nevertheless, the one thing which is certain is that our response to situations control how we feel about those situations in the aftermath.

Since the way we feel about situations is how we make those situations out to be is completely under our control, it is completely our choice is to be happy.

After failing a test, the feeling of sadness and despair is inevitable. However, it is completely on me – I should have studied more. The outcome was always almost certain to be negative. However, instead of continually feeling sad, I can also choose to be happy. Happy that the test is done and I can focus my time and energy studying again and passing the next test (hopefully).

At the same time, after passing a test, the feeling of accomplishment inevitable; hours of studying paid off. The feeling of happiness need not be present since, after all, it is just a test and there are many more things to do on my to-do list.

In both situations, happiness was a choice. It might have been difficult to get to that emotion but how I feel is completely up to me. It may not always be present. Happiness is a choice but it doesn’t need to present all the time. However, I believe there is a greater takeaway stemming this concept, no emotion is permanent. In fact, everything is impermanent. From this, no one emotion is needed all the time to live life – especially happiness. Life comes in flows or waves, it is up to us to ride those waves and make them as we live them. Since events are just waves and are not permanently affecting us, no one feeling will kill us especially since they are transitory. Following this, a bad feeling does not lead to or mean a bad life. It is just our perception of the event which causes us so much despair in the moment.

Happiness is overrated and, as with life, comes with life. There is much greater power in being content with life. The best path to find contentedness in life is to be non-resistant to life’s events. Allow them to happen. Step back and observe. Take note of all emotions. Take another step back and think about all those emotions. Finally, respond.

Referring back to the first essay, our gut instincts tell us that happiness is good and fear and pain are bad. Nothing could be further from the truth. The only feeling which can be deemed “bad” is the absence of any feeling (indifference). Being fearful means that you are going against your previous learning and are challenging the status quo, being fearful may, in fact, be a sign that you are on the right path. The disclaimer I must mention is that “going against your previous learning” does not mean anything antisocial.

One of the world’s greatest creations amongst sentient beings is the feeling of companionship and friendship. However, to build that friendship, trust has to exist. Trust is something to be tried and tested so EI people don’t become close friends with anyone. As a weakness of that trust, it is much easier to be influenced by friends, possibly forgetting or ignoring our own experiences. Though this does not necessarily have to be by just friends, anyone can sway our minds. Instead, it is important to for people to “take inventory of their beliefs, reflect on their origins, and decide whether or not that frame of reference truly serves them.” EI people don’t allow their thoughts to be chosen for them.

Reflecting upon my earlier years of handling my emotions, I’ve realized that infallible composure is not emotional intelligence. It is not true growth or power to suppress emotions but rather it is to manage it effectively.